February 2010
28 posts
I don’t want to know what a Zac Brown Band is
Watch“I got so laid last night! I was at this club and I went up to this really hot black girl and I was like, ‘Hey. Anyone ever tell you you look exactly like Beyoncé?’ And then I went in for the kiss and I noticed she had, like, a full man’s mustache? And I was like, ‘Let’s do this thing.’”
January 2010
65 posts
Sort out it out
This little gem came through my Google Reader this morning. Now I’m really compelled to follow a lot of them, but some are deal breakers. The list has 43 tips on it…I’ll break them down into more readable, separate posts.
1. Turn off your cell phone. - NAY. This only works when I go to Omaha and I practically lose my phone as soon as I step in the front door. Anyone of my...
1 tag
regretsy
“Oh NO! look what kitty is playing with! It’s a Poopy Diaper, and kitty can’t stop smelling it! Perfect gift for anyone who’s just had a litter.”
I don’t have the intestinal fortitude (heh) to post the accompanying picture, you’ll have to bring that on yourself.
Poopy Diaper Cat Toy
1 tag
well this is just damn adorable
More here
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Did you burn something?
Kenny Crandell: Yeah, well, maybe if you'd called and told me you were gonna be, like... three-and-a-half hours late, I could've planned my dinner better.
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I had to work late, OK?
Kenny Crandell: You still should've called. I sat and I waited. I went ahead and I fed the kids. I worked all day on that casserole.
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Sorry.
Kenny Crandell: You haven't even said how nice the house looks. You're off at the office all day doing interesting office things. I'm stuck here cooking and cleaning and mowing the lawn, helping Melissa with her fastball, being a role model for Zach, spending quality time with Walter, doing your party shit! You've got the car and you don't even take me anywhere anymore. And when was the last time we went out to dinner together, huh? You know what, I'm sick and tired of not being appreciated!
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I appreciate you.
Kenny Crandell: Eat shit!
[storms away]
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I don't believe this! I have to get up at 5:30 every morning so I can beat rush hour traffic into the city and go sit behind a desk for eight hours a day and miss Oprah Winfrey everyday on my summer vacation. And then, I get to drive home in gridlock IN A VOLVO with no air conditioning just so I can take care of you guys and put food on the damn table! It's a rat race and it sucks, Kenny. So what do you want, a medal?
[long pause]
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Oh come on, you don't have to do all this. I mean, I never asked you to whisk the couch.
Kenny Crandell: Well, it needed it.
WatchI wish I was even just 25 percent as consistently bad ass as Anderson Cooper.
how i felt today
